A ridiculous amount of coffee was consumed in the process of building this project. Add some fuel if you'd like to keep me going!
I’ve been watching Kyle Cease video’s and they are so inspiring.
In one video Kyle talks about the 4 layers of desire:
1. What other people want you to do
2. What you want to do
3. What you must do
4. Who you are
I see these layers correlating with self:
1. What others want you to do is body and superficial living
2. What you want to do is heart, and awareness of self and ambition
3. What you must do is spirit and connectedness with a greater purpose
4. Who you are is soul, and living in the now, present to yourself, the world and god.
I recognize myself as heart, spirit, and soul, in a sort of unwalled white “space” inside my chest area.
Meditating; Hands open/palms up.
As I sit my thoughts become frequencies passing above my head. Some of them go through my brain and as they circulate there is a sort of electricity. Most stay for a few moments and exit out the other side. Some stay too long and cause a sort of surge, becoming an electrical currency I cannot rid myself of.
My experiences become the air.
Everything I have done or been a part of, becomes the air I breath into my body. Some of the air affects my heart and spirit, becoming things I want, lessons learned, wisdom, dreams, goals. Some of the air (negative experiences) is polluted, and as it enters inside me it creates a sort of blockage. If the polluted air is not blown out in a regular breathing pattern (dealing with issues/ self love/ forgiveness) it can pollute my insides: Dirty particle floating about, and in worst cases, creating a sort of filter over my air tube entrance (trauma).
If this happens, all the other air (experiences) will have to channel through the filter, contaminating what would regularly be healthy air. The air is still good, and contributes to my breathing pattern, but it will not be as pure and healthy as it otherwise could have been.
Depending on your air quality/pollution level, you may experience easy clean breathing, some pollution, distressed breathing or even coughing and chocking. It is essential to be aware of the air quality (people/surroundings/job/things you let influence you) you are breathing, and to be able to exhale (let go of/forgive/process) all the polluted air you have inhaled.
I saw pollution in myself from past trauma and experiences. I began to breath deeply and as I did each breath became a series of thoughts surrounding a negative experience/event.
Inhaling: I envision the pollution of abuse, guilt, shame, fear, self loathing, insecurity, relationship issues being stirred up.
Exhaling: I choose to let it go and blow it out. It is no longer a part of me. Whatever will be, will be. I am a clean, open space
I did this repeatedly for all for all the negative experiences that came to my mind.
There were about a dozen. Some I could not let go of in the length of a breath. Some took five breaths, and I imagined alot of pollution being stirred from amidst my space.
At the end my space was clean and open and I saw myself as sort of immortal. Not to death, but to thoughts, feelings and experiences. If I can let them go, they don’t own any part of me. And I am no longer bound to habits and thought patterns, to negative voices and expectations.
I am a clean unpolluted space, with limitless potential.
My body, my family, my friends and my possessions are all a gift outside of myself. I flip my hands over to be resting on my legs. I feel a grounded sensation. A reconnectedness to my body. My hands seem to release some sort of ventilation system inside my space, and I start to see all the good in my space (dreams, true identity, inspiration, power to impact, healthy thinking, love, compassion, empathy) being released to the other parts of my body. I see it as a sort of quicksand substance slowing flowing through and empowering each body part. To my feet to walk with confidence in the right direction, to my hands for motivation and compassion, to my mouth to speak with depth and compassion, to my mind for intentional thinking, and to my senses to experiences and appreciate them fully
When each area had been filled I felt my body as a whole. It felt empowered and full. I then saw myself as a body, sitting in this room with all my surroundings, slowly the pictured zoomed out, each time my body getting smaller and smaller. From my room, to the house, to the city, state, country, world, and then into space. I continued to recognize myself as a humane spirit, so small and irrelevant in this vast universe.
The picture then slowly zoomed back in, until I saw myself in the room, and then felt myself in body.
Who am I? A spirit, a female body with a fleeting amount of time. One with such limited vision and such selfish ambition.
But then I flipped my hands over again into the receiving position, and I felt a weighted sensation, like my hands were full. And they were full of the gifts Ive been given. A body, family, friends, possessions, my job, ambitions, dreams, experiences. But also time, and the ability to choose what I want. Limitless potential. A life limited only by my own imagination